Kate, I might have mentioned before in the comments that I practically grew up on AoM, discovering it somewhere around 12 years old. Back then, I was bored and didn't have much challenge in my life, and the blog inspired me to seek it out. Since then, life has gotten harder, and your and Brett's writings have been a consistent source of faith, strength and inspiration to meet the challenges that I no longer need to seek out with integrity.
You are not responsible for other people’s happiness- what people think of you is none of your business- be fair, be firm and be ferocious when defending your convictions.
This is one of our favorite stories and has become a touchstone on this topic around the McKay household ("Remember how Grant once ate a burger without the burger.....?!")
This article is haunting. Sounds like an autobiography for most of us, especially the first two paragraphs. I am a semi-retired doctor. Went to med school in Sydney, Australia. Spent half my time there reading Hemingway. You get the idea. Thank you. The article is like a wake up call. Hope it is not too late.
Kate, I remember reading this article when it was first published on AOM and it hits with the weight of truth.
There is a certain tragedy in living a life governed by avoidance rather than intention. We think niceness keeps the peace, yet often it only preserves our fears. We become protectors of comfort rather than participants in our own becoming.
I spent years playing it safe, staying quiet, and trying to please everyone. It took loss, discomfort, and eventually doing hard things like running my first marathon to realize what Jim Rohn meant when he said, “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s.” Niceness matters only when it rides on the back of courage.
C.S. Lewis once reflected that “courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” Niceness without courage is a costume. It pleases crowds but starves the heart.
The goal isn’t to become abrasive. It is to become real. Niceness becomes noble only when it sits atop a foundation of integrity, conviction, and love capable of telling the truth. Better to be remembered for a courageous stand than a lifetime of silent agreement.
After all, the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” If at the end all that can be said is that we never challenged, never risked, never chose purpose over politeness, then we will have avoided not only conflict, but also meaning.
Thanks for reposting this article on Substack Kate!
This article is inspirational. If anything, I have lived my life the opposite way. While producing its own challenges, I have no regrets. I’ve always followed what interested me and those winds of fortune have always favored me. I have left relationships because of ideological differences. I have been fired from a job for standing again dishonesty. I pledged from my earliest days to always have a significant financial cushion, so that no one could force me to do anything I objected to. By my mid 40’s I had financial independence to fall back on. It’s allowed me to stand up for the little guy and square off against administration, without fear of anything they could do to me. I’m afraid I’ll be remembered more as the bull in the china shop. But that’s ok. At least I’ll be remembered.
Kate, I might have mentioned before in the comments that I practically grew up on AoM, discovering it somewhere around 12 years old. Back then, I was bored and didn't have much challenge in my life, and the blog inspired me to seek it out. Since then, life has gotten harder, and your and Brett's writings have been a consistent source of faith, strength and inspiration to meet the challenges that I no longer need to seek out with integrity.
Thanks so kindly for sharing — nothing could be more heartening to hear!
Being loved by everybody is a surefire way to be remembered by nobody
You are not responsible for other people’s happiness- what people think of you is none of your business- be fair, be firm and be ferocious when defending your convictions.
I once ate an entire burger at a restaurant without the meat patty inside of it because I didn’t want to bother anyone. It wasn’t very good…
This is one of our favorite stories and has become a touchstone on this topic around the McKay household ("Remember how Grant once ate a burger without the burger.....?!")
Still hits hard, even on repeat. Thank you!
Excellent, Kate. This is the shadow side of myself that I fight daily.
This article is haunting. Sounds like an autobiography for most of us, especially the first two paragraphs. I am a semi-retired doctor. Went to med school in Sydney, Australia. Spent half my time there reading Hemingway. You get the idea. Thank you. The article is like a wake up call. Hope it is not too late.
Kate, I remember reading this article when it was first published on AOM and it hits with the weight of truth.
There is a certain tragedy in living a life governed by avoidance rather than intention. We think niceness keeps the peace, yet often it only preserves our fears. We become protectors of comfort rather than participants in our own becoming.
I spent years playing it safe, staying quiet, and trying to please everyone. It took loss, discomfort, and eventually doing hard things like running my first marathon to realize what Jim Rohn meant when he said, “If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s.” Niceness matters only when it rides on the back of courage.
C.S. Lewis once reflected that “courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.” Niceness without courage is a costume. It pleases crowds but starves the heart.
The goal isn’t to become abrasive. It is to become real. Niceness becomes noble only when it sits atop a foundation of integrity, conviction, and love capable of telling the truth. Better to be remembered for a courageous stand than a lifetime of silent agreement.
After all, the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius once said “It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” If at the end all that can be said is that we never challenged, never risked, never chose purpose over politeness, then we will have avoided not only conflict, but also meaning.
Thanks for reposting this article on Substack Kate!
This article is inspirational. If anything, I have lived my life the opposite way. While producing its own challenges, I have no regrets. I’ve always followed what interested me and those winds of fortune have always favored me. I have left relationships because of ideological differences. I have been fired from a job for standing again dishonesty. I pledged from my earliest days to always have a significant financial cushion, so that no one could force me to do anything I objected to. By my mid 40’s I had financial independence to fall back on. It’s allowed me to stand up for the little guy and square off against administration, without fear of anything they could do to me. I’m afraid I’ll be remembered more as the bull in the china shop. But that’s ok. At least I’ll be remembered.